FAN MAIL: 'Are you just a JERK??'

Bill will no longer be purchasing the Bradenton Herald.

Because I'm a "jerk."

“2.3 billion people cannot be wrong, you must be very jealous of our British History or are you just a JERK??,” reads the email Bill sent me today. “I wonder how many Brits will stop buying your paper after your unnecessary comments about our Royal family, I know I will.”

The Bradenton Herald has a British readership?

They read my Sunday column?

Sweet!

And I’m sure the majority of them have a greater sense of humor than Bill.

After all, we’re talking about a country that has produced such satirical, comic geniuses as the Monty Python crew, Peter Sellers, Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand, just to name a few.

I wonder at which point Bill decided to fire off the proverbial “cancel my subscription” missive.

Maybe as soon as he saw the headline: “A royal wedding protest.”

Or a little father down when he got to this paragraph:

“That’s 2.3 billion estimated viewers.
Am I missing something here?
After getting hitched, will Prince William and Catherine Middleton be making a special announcement?
A plan for peace in the Middle East?
Maybe a nuclear disarmament declaration?
Perhaps J.K. Rowling has penned a new Harry Potter novel?”

I found my finale kinda funny. Bill probably didn’t.

“The days of make-believe royalty should have been abolished back in 1215 along with the issuing of the Magna Carta — or at least by the time the Duchess of York became a shill for Weight Watchers.”

I hope Bill and the rest of the Bradenton Herald’s British readership don’t jump ship because this Yankee decided to take the, ah, mickey, out of the royal family.

Cheers!